God's path took me somewhere different

I am currently writing this post in a cute little coffee shop in Houston! Yes, I am back home. I have come to the crucial realization that sometimes our will for our lives does not align with God's will for our lives.

I find peace and comfort in the fact that God has a plan for my life, although I wish it was with Maryknoll in El Salvador, I understand that it isn't, at least for right now, and you know what...That's ok. I am a strong believer that all things happen for good and all things happen for a reason...So I now look forward to what is to come.

 I miss everyone back in New York very very much. God granted me the blessing of getting to know 12 amazing people! They have given me more than I could have ever asked for and I know they are going to do some amazing things in mission.

God is such a caring, loving, compassionate being that has surrounded me during this difficult time. If you read the post I posted a few days ago then you will see what I mean. The day I found out I was going to be going home God spoke to me in a way that prepared me for what was to come later in that day. To be in the place where I am right now, not angry, not resentful, but a little sad, and fully understanding and open is  only because of God and His sweet graces!

I now look towards the future and where God is going to lead me. If God's call is not in El Salvador with Maryknoll I can only take comfort in the fact that He has someting even greater in store for me. I'm excited to figure this out!

So, for all those who have been supporting me and praying for me during this time, I ask that you continue to support me through this difficult transition and  pray for me as I continue to search for God's will.

I AM

Inspiration for today:

I struggle to understand who I am. Especially when it comes down to how God created me and who He wants me to be. I believe society has created an image of who we should be and I say screw that image! It's so hard to find who you are when who you are fogged by what society says you should be...I should know....I struggle with this everyday!

But....

This morning as I sit in adoration listening to music I begin to ask God..."God who am I, who am I who am I??" over and over I ask myself who I am hoping God will fill the room with answers. Instead God fills the room with the beautiful song by Mark Schultz called I Am. Wow! As I struggle to find who I am God instead asks me to focus on who He is. It's interesting because I want so much to focus on who I am that I have lost the most important thing: who God is.

God is:
The Risen Son of Man
The Healer of the Broken
("and when you cried") I am The Savior and Redeemer
The Author and the Beggar
The Beginning and the End
The Universe
The Where you Are
The Lord of Lords
The King of Kings

Because of who God is is because of who I am. Past, Present, and Future God is still the same; although I am forever changing I can take comfort in the fact that God wants me to be the best I can be and that who I am is amazing, precious, and forever His!

So I praise God for enlightening me this morning to open me up beyond what I see on the surface and allowing me to focus on who He is. Only through that will I be led to understand more of who I am...AS A CHILD OF GOD; To love and to be loved.

Orientation

As I sit here writing this post I listen to the extreme winds and rain of Hurricane Sandy approaching little Ossining New York. It's amazing how quickly the weather changed here. Such beautiful fall weather has been approaching since I have arrived. Leaves turning red, orange, yellow, lime green, etc...and these past few days the strong winds have blown all these beautiful leaves away (even though it is still gorgeous). What I have come to love so much here is the Hudsom River! We try to make as many trips as possible down to just relax by the water. Here in this picture Margaret, James and I sat at the marina on the Hudson in just awe of the beautiful hills that cascade the background of the river :)

I am happy to say that I am starting my 4th week of orientation and it has been quite a whirlwind. Everyone here are so sweet! We have Lexie and Marc going to Bolivia; a sweet married couple from D.C, Veronica and Rich heading to Tanzania; Veronica an amazingly wise women with such a fun sense of humor and Rich a hilarious man with such compassion, Margaret is heading to Kenya; she is such a bright light onto this world and has become such a close friend!, Ed, Nancy, and James heading to Cambodia; Ed is such a sweet man from NY who has been such a positive example to me and others, Nancy a beautiful woman from Seattle who makes anyone feel at home wherever she is, and James who has become such a great friend with such a great spirit and beautiful sense of the world; Greg, Kim and Christopher an awesome family from Colorado going to Brazil; and lastly my group of Tony and Janet heading to El Salvador; Tony such an intelligent man and Janet: so sweet and so compassionate. I am so lucky to be spending my time in orientation with such an amazing group of people!

 

 

Time to begin

So here we are. My last day in Houston! I leave for NY tomorrow for my 2 month orientation! I can't wait to meet the other missioners, enjoy some cold weather, take some awesome theology classes, and make some possible trips to NYC and Boston! It's going to be an eventful part of my life and it all starts tomorrow! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I want to thank everyone who has supported and prayed for me this past month. I have had such a good time at my farewell parties. A few weeks back I had a party to say goodbye to all of my friends and it was so comforting to have my soccer girlfriends, kickball friends, social work friends, and church friends all come together in one place. It truly reiterated the fact that I have so much love and support here in Houston.

Last Sunday I had a send off mass at my home church St. Ignatius Loyola in Spring. Father Martial presided and all the people who have supported me through prayer, reference letters and hours of affiliates meetings/fellowships were there to celebrate with me.


So again, thank you EVERYONE for everything you have given me. Your support will follow me through these next 4 years of my life and forward!

Special shout out to my awesome family! I am going to miss yall so much! Love yall

Getting closer to my departure!

To think...in a month I will be 1 week into my orientation in Ossining, NY!!!

I moved home to Spring last weekend and will be flying to NY October 6. I can't believe how time is just flying by!

Since I've last posted I have been very busy. I had an opportunity to go and speak at St. Vincent de Paul's Catholic school to the 4th and 5th graders about my call to mission work and about how they can also be missioners in their own community and classroom. I shot a video for my friend, Joe, who is the youth minister at St. Elizabeth Ann Seaton Catholic Church which he will be showing to his youth about my call to mission. I attended a Maryknoll Family Dinner at the Maryknoll house in Rice Village. While I was there I met a lot of Maryknoll Brothers and Fathers who I will be reunited with during the orientation in NY. Father Gerry, who is the Maryknoll Father that lives in the house, presented me with a poster of Oscar Romero who was the Archbishop of El Salvador before he was martyred in 1980.

I am blessed to have so much support and so many amazing opportunities before I leave that allow me to spread the word of mission work as well as the importance of mission work in our own area.

I'm looking forward to the next step in New York! I've already received my orientation schedule and can't wait to begin the preparation process.

 

Please keep me in your prayers while I say my goodbyes (or see you laters) to all of my friends and family.

"Lord...lead me"

What an amazing weekend I have had. I spent the past 4 days staffing at the Archdiocese Youth Conference at the Hilton Hotel in Downtown Houston! Prior to starting the conference I received a very extensive (and exciting) packet in the mail from Maryknoll.

The packet consisted of:......
What to bring to NY for orientation
Financial matters
Transportation
Medical matters
Professional Licenses
Loan deferments
Mission education and sending
Notifications to local churches and communities
and.....
Discernment, covenant and contract

Receiving this packet excited me...initially....until I started to read and that's when I started to worry, get scared and become quite anxious. Don't get me wrong, I am pumped to be called to this mission but my "human self" began to worry. I started to worry about FINANCES!! What am I going to do about my student loans...I know I can defer them...(Thank God) but what about interest? I began to worry about missing my family, friends and Houston in general...all the beautiful things I will miss out on (my mom's new school opening up, my dad becoming a deacon, my brother graduating college...finally :) and my twin sister starting her new job and new life). I also worried about whether this is what God wants me to do in my life or not. All of these human questioning and worrying I expected to have eventually... so, I decided to read over the packet again, BUT this time I read it with a different mindset. I told myself that I am so blessed to be given this opportunity and that God has great plans for me and for the community/people I serve in El Salvador.

Even through my most anxious and yet weakest moments I will be strong because God has given me such opportunity and strength. So after reading through it yet another time (by now I think i have read it about 7 or 8 times) I am filled with excitement and wonder.

Now, going back to the conference experience. The reason I want to talk about the conference so much is because it allowed me to stop and listen to what God is/ has been saying to me. This weekend was a roller coaster event of feelings of excitement to feelings of encouragement to feelings of extreme worry. When I mean extreme I mean that every time i began praising the Lord in song or in prayer I was brought to tears (of a little happiness but mostly fear). I believe that God brings us to situations and/or events for certain reasons. May it be to help us discover His will or for us to see what is of Him and what isn't.

Through out the weekend I developed many close friends. Some of whom I have met before but also some new! I was blessed to be in touch with these friends as well as meet some amazing key note speakers like Mark Hart, Steve Angrisano, and Brian Johnson (who I have known since High School).  Every speaker and friend spoke to me and touched me in ways that I knew only God was in control of. Talks about doing God's will, being committed to God's will, being a strong individual who has courage to speak up for what they believe in, and most striking (for me) is the prayer Mark Hart asks us to pray every day:

 "Lord, you're my Savior and I give you permission to take away anyone or anything that is keeping me away from sainthood and keeping me away from you".

My girlfriends: Christi, Irma and Christi with Mark Hart (the Bible Geek) at AYC

 This prayer touched me so much because of the work I am going into. Before his talk that night Mark asks us who wants to be a Saint. When thinking about being/becoming a Saint I think about the meaning behind sainthood. I understand that a lot of what brings one to sainthood is the activeness and reverence of our lifestyles. So I quickly thought::: how am I living my life out for God? I know joining the missionary is going out and spreading God's Word and helping God's people but how am I doing that now?

I have a long time before I leave in October for New York...I wish I was leaving sooner. I often tell people that I feel like I am living in limbo just awaiting the moment I can leave and do God's will. But I must remember that there is alot of work to be done here. A lot of work for myself (in preparation for my mission and in healing the shame I have within myself) and much work for others.

So here is to living my journey in limbo for the next 2 months.

I look forward to the moments where God strengthen and heals me before I venture off to NY and El Salvador

Language School

So when I arrive in El Salvador I will begin language school for 6 months before I begin working...



This is the link to my school:www.cis-elsalvador.org